IRISH FRUIT CAKE

1 cup of butter
1 cup of sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of baking soda
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
A bottle of whiskey


Sample the whiskey and check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the very highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in large fluffy bowl. Add one spoontea of sugar and beat again. Make sure whiskey is still OK. Have 'nother tup. Turn off mixer. Break two leggs and add to bowl. Chuck in cup of dried fruit. Take out cup. Mix on the turner. Sample whiskey again to check for onsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, sugar or something, who cares? Check whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one tooblespoon of brown, white, black sugar, or whatever colour you can find. Wix mel. Grease the oven. Turn the cake pan to 350 gredees. Slide into oven. Get out of oven. Do not forget to beat off the turner. Throw bowl out of window, check last of whiskey and go to bed.